Mitford Essays and Synopses

— The Corvey Poets Project at the University of Nebraska —

British Poetry of the later Eighteenth and Earlier Nineteenth Centuries

Bibliographical and Contextual Apparatus

Three Romantic Era Military Satires —

John Mitford, The Adventures of Johnny Newcome in the Navy (1818)
      Descriptive Essay
      Synopsis

John Mitford, My Cousin in the Army, or, Johnny Newcome on the Peace Establishment (1822)
      Descriptive Essay
      Synopsis

Alfred Thornton, The Adventures of a Post Captain (1820)
Descriptive Essay
Synopsis

"Alfred Thornton," The Adventures of a Post Captain (1817)

Descriptive Essay

The British Library and the Corvey Collection date the volume as 1817, based on the date on the plates by Mr. Williams, though the title page shows no date. The 1904 Methuen edition cites an 1820 edition as its basis. Mr. Williams is likely Charles Williams, a student of Gillray and colleague of Rowlandson.

The poem consists of 16 chapters. It is 214 pages long. There are twenty-four illustrations by W. Williams. For this synopsis, I am using the 1904 Methuen edition which is based on the 1820 J. Johnston edition.

The poem is a narrative satire about the naval success of a young, ambitious British officer during the Napoleonic Wars. It traces "Bowspirit's" career from midshipman to Post Captain, and finally to Rear Admiral. Though filled with farcical episodes and bawdy humor, the poem remains strongly patriotic and therefore nationalistic in tone. Bowspirit is not an object of derision, but meant to be read as a patriotic national hero. Thus, his various sexual and monetary intrigues are not judged as immoral, but rather seen as an important part of his heroic character.

It's clear from the poem, and particularly from the dedication, that Bowspirit is intended, in part, to be an imagined Nelson. If we understand the poem and its character Bowspirit to be a tribute to Nelson's achievements, then the argument that John Mitford is the author of the poem, as I argue in other parts of this project, becomes increasingly likely: Mitford had served under Nelson. This might explain why the tone of this poem is less bilious than the other two poems examined in this project. While both the "Johnny Newcome" poems are at once slapstick and highly contentious criticisms of the military complex, "The Adventures of the Post Captain" lauds the heroism and honor that came to define the services within the public psyche. Mitford's own naval career suggests that such a vision of the navy was part of his own experience, though, as the other poems clearly indicate, he was also painfully aware of the downward spiral also present in all highly administered social bodies.

On the surface, the contrasting tones of the "Johnny Newcome" poems and the "Post Captain" might suggest that Mitford is not the author of the latter. But it strikes me that the "Post Captain" is probably indicative of Mitford's vision of how the navy ought to be: heroism, patriotism, adventure, and sexual prowess. On the other hand, the "Johnny Newcome" poems might represent Mitford's criticisms of the small-mindedness, cruelty, and laziness that is all-too present in military life. When read together, and with a sense of Mitford's own naval background, these poems seem to be part of a set.

Of the three poems in this study, the "Post Captain" was the best in terms of displaying a cohesive narrative structure. Sometimes the overt patriotism wore a little thin, but within the context of Nelsonian tributes, it makes sense. The lines read in the same manner as the "Johnny Newcome" poems, which also suggests that these are all the products of the same pen.

Synopsis

Chapter the First: The narrative begins with two drunken sailors singing at night in Plymouth. Captain Bowspirit is introduced and he is seeking wine and a bed. He is invited to enjoy the latter with a local prostitute. We then move to a brief recapitulation of the young Captain's naval career. He has recently seen success in fighting the French and has quickly been promoted to the rank of Post Captain after a sequence of heroic actions.

Chapter Two: Bowspirit awakes in the arms of the lady of the night. He returns to his ship, the Ajax. On the way, he stops upon the distressed calls of his friend Captain Bomb who is being manhandled by two bailiffs. Bowspirit draws his sword and whacks the bailiffs upon the head in order to facilitate the release of his comrade. Bomb, it turns out, is being arrested for debt. In good spirits, Bowspirit wishes to pay his friend's debt but discovers that his own pockets have been emptied by the prostitute. Bowspirit, Bomb, and a host of their men return to her abode to recover the money. There, Bowspirit gets into an altercation with the pimp, who he quickly dispatches, and the sailors search all the rooms, but the pickpocket has fled. The magistrate arrives and arrests the two Captains. They are taken before a judge and jailed for assault.

Chapter Three: Bowspirit is cast down by his plight, for he has orders to join the channel fleet and if he fails to arrive accordingly he could lose his rank and be court-martialed. Fortunately, his accuser is willing to settle and after giving him twenty pounds, Bowspirit and Bomb are released. Upon their release the Captains stop at an inn for a glass of grog, and then Bowspirit proceeds to the Ajax, thinking of his home and his sweetheart, Mary. He boards the Ajax and they join the fleet. Bowspirit volunteers his ship for the invasion of Spain. His men sneak ashore and surprise the fort where the Spanish contingent quickly surrenders and are taken into custody by Bowspirit and his daring men.

Chapter Four: The rest of the fleet come ashore and Bowspirit's heroics are much praised. Back on the waters, however, the victorious British fleet is trapped by the French due to a dead calm. A terrific battle ensues in which the Ajax engages and sinks a French vessel and then boards another, the taking of which effectively ends the battle. Bowspirit is once again lauded for his heroic deeds.

Chapter Five: Bowspirit is back in England where he is to receive commendation and report to the ministry about the great victory. He is celebrated in the streets as a national hero. He is knighted by the Court and becomes a celebrated dinner guest among high society. He quickly grows tired of fashionable society, however, and requests to be sent back to sea, but this request falls on deaf ears. He is taken to a gambling house by the dandy, Lord Flimsy, where Bowspirit has a great deal of success playing rouge et noir. A second outing to the gambling house, unfortunately, proves disasterous, as Bowspirit not only loses his previous night's winnings, but is levied with a massive debt before the night is out. Flimsy, in turn, quickly leaves the country to avoid the debt, while Bowspirit returns to sea.

Chapter Six: Bowspirit has been made a Rear-admiral and receives orders to invade the stronghold of a Barbary pirate in the Mediterranean. His creditors try to grab him before he reaches his ship, but he is able to escape their clutches. His fleet of eleven ships leave English waters, but are caught in a storm in the Atlantic. The ships scatter and after many days they are able to relocate one another, though, it is obvious that they must stop at Gibraltar for repairs. At Gibraltar, the famed Bowspirit receives another hero's welcome. A ball is held in his honor and Bowspirit falls for one of the local Spanish beauties. A rapid courtship ensues and shortly thereafter he asks for her hand in marriage. She accepts the proposal, but ten days later, the fleet is ready and Bowspirit leaves her behind without a second glance.

Chapter Seven: Back at sea, Bowspirit has some regrets about his misuse of the Spanish girl and the "snatch[ing] of her flower." The fleet soon arrives at the waters of the pirates and Bowspirit's envoy is sent ashore to make the British demands before engaging in attack.

Chapter Eight: The Moor will not relent and the fleet begins to bombard the city. The pirate fleet is quickly destroyed and the Chieftan's castle is gutted by fire. Ashore, Bowspirit leads his men through a breach in the fortress wall and the Moors surrender. A treaty is signed and Bowspirit invites the Chieftan onboard his flagship for a feast. After the feast, the drunken Chieftan falls into the ocean. While his retainers turn the gazes heavenward and pray to Allah to save him, an alert tar dives in the water and rescues him.

Chapter Nine: In return for Bowspirit's hospitality and the life-saving action of his man, the Chieftan invites the British to come ashore for a feast in their honor. While looking at the marvels of the Chieftan's retinue, Bowspirit is quite intrigued by the Harem and imagines himself indulging in the attentions of this feminine company. While waxing thus, Bowspirit is slipped a note by a slave that is from a British woman held captive in the Harem. She desires for him to meet her in the olive wood just outside the palace. There, he hears of her plight and vows to rescue her from her disgrace. He selects ten men to aid him in the rescue attempt. They go ashore and clandestinely take her out to the ship.

Chapter Ten: The angered Moor appeals to Bowspirit for the return of his slave. While on shore, Bowspirit is ambushed by a group of the Moor's assassins. Two of these would be assassins are killed and the other is taken aboard the British ships for questioning. The Chieftan's motives now clear, Bowspirit goes ashore to confront him. The Chieftan once again demands the woman back and offers half his fortune for her. Bowspirit demands that he desist in his efforts or he will again be sacked by the British fleet. The chastened Moor concedes and the fleet leaves the area to return to Britain.

Chapter Eleven: As they once again move westward, Bowspirit's guilt regarding the Spanish girl returns. A storm forces the fleet to lay up at Gibraltar and Bowspirit goes ashore, but tries to remain incognito so as to not encourage the Spanish lass. When he returns to the ship, the fair Spanish maiden is in his cabin, where also sits Ellen, the woman he rescued from the Moor. Both women are heartbroken by this encounter. The Spanish beauty upbraids him and Bowspirit confesses his heart is now with Ellen. After the angry Spanish beauty departs the ship, Bowspirit makes amends to Ellen. She forgives him and they embrace.

Chapter Twelve: Shortly thereafter, Bowspirit is challenged to a duel by Don Rodrigo, brother to the spurned lover. On seeing Bowspirit's willingness and ardour to proceed with the duel, Rodrigo's second tries to come to a different solution, but to no avail. The two opponents meet on shore where Don Rodrigo fires first but faints dead away in fright. This so amuses Bowspirit that he fires into the ground and thus saves his cowardly opponent from an untimely death. Rodrigo vows fealty to the generous Bowspirit and they go aboard the ship and enjoy a nice supper together prior to the departure of the fleet.

Chapter Thirteen: Once again, Bowspirit and his fleet are welcomed home with a much aplomb for their heroics. Bowspirit and his lady love Ellen go to London. There they are met by his creditors who come to have him arrested. Ellen faints and an enraged Bowspirit chases the mob out with the point of his sword. They soon return with two more reinforcements.

Chapter Fourteen: As Bowspirit fights off this group of scoundrels, the innkeeper comes in and says he will pay the bail for such a national hero as Rear-admiral Bowspirit. As the dispute continues, a General comes in and signs his name to the bail, at which point the bailiffs depart. The General takes Bowspirit to his lawyer's office in Chancery Lane and they file suit against the gamblers. Not willing to go to court, they drop their demands and Bowspirit is freed from his debt. After this, the couple seek out Ellen's father. They come across an old friend of her father who tells them that he has been sent to a workhouse.

Chapter Fifteen: As they make their way to the workhouse, Bowspirit's conscience once again troubles him, because now he recalls his former commitment to his childhood sweetheart, Mary. At the workhouse, Ellen is reunited with her father, whom they take with them. At Bowspirit's rooms, his own father is there. He has come to tell Bowspirit the sad news that Mary has died. This bittersweet news allows Bowspirit to freely propose to his darling Ellen.

Chapter Sixteen: Bowspirit buys a house outside of London and he awaits his marriage to Ellen. His countersuit against the gamblers is successful and his personal fortune is secured. In his wanderings through the city he comes across Bomb, who has lost a leg and an arm in battle and is now on a half-pay pension. Bomb is destitute, having gone broke in supporting the prostitute who had earlier made away with Bowspirit's money in Plymouth. The generous Bowspirit determines to take his poor comrade in. Bowspirit and Ellen are wed in the presence of the two fathers and the maimed Admiral. Soon thereafter a child is born in the happy household.

John Mitford, The Adventures of Johnny Newcome in the Navy (1818)

Descriptive Essay

The poem consists of four cantos. It is 237 pages long. There are sixteen illustrations by Thomas Rowaldson. A brief biography of Rowaldson and the illustrations are available elsewhere on this project. For this synopsis I am using the 1904 Methuen edition, based on the 1818 edition of Simpkin and Marshall. It should be noted that Simpkin and Marshall was affiliated with J. Johnston and their name appears as a subsidiary publisher on the other volumes described in this project. This is the same edition that is found in the Corvey collection.

The poem relates the adventures of a young man in the British navy. Unlike the celebration of naval heroics in the "Post Captain," this poem is highly critical of the naval service. Mitford exposes the practice of "hazing" as perpetrated upon young Johnny as being a practice developed in a system that is inherently cruel. This critique is taken to the fore when Johnny is repeatedly flogged by the cruel replacement Captain at the end of the narrative. This indictment of naval flogging anticipates the arguments against the practice in the American navy made by Herman Melville in his novel White Jacket at mid-century.

In contrast to the "Post Captain," this poem is extremely anti-navy. In fact, it is the most anti-military poem of the three considered here. Nevertheless, they all seem to be the product of the same pen, as I argue throughout this project. What this suggests is that Mitford had an astute intellect and that he could envision several sides to the issues at hand. It might also be reflective of his mental imbalance: it's clear from his problems with alcohol and mental illness that he was prone to massive mood swings and changing opinions. This is not uncommon in a creative artist.

Of the three poems in this study, this is the most gloomy. Its indictment of the petty side of militarism would no doubt have pleased anti-militarists like Shelley. It certainly would have struck a chord with Melville. Because of this, the poem is the least immediately entertaining of the trio, but it is perhaps the most successful, in that its criticisms resonate more deeply.

Synopsis

Canto I: Young Johnny comes home from school to his family's farm. He is met by his father, a clergyman, who has sad news: though he hoped that Johnny could one day be a lawyer, or a scientist, or a clergyman, these hopes are dashed, for his father can no longer afford to send him to school. His fortune has been lost in a failed bank. But the distraught father does have connections, and these connections can get Johnny an appointment in the navy. Johnny's character is described, and he is decidedly a romantic.

He soon leaves for London with his father where he can take up his commission. There, they get him outfitted before boarding a passenger vessel on the Thames which will take them to port where the Capricorn awaits its newest recruit. As the vessel proceeds down the river, they make acquaintance with a gentleman who turns out to be Captain Dale, master of the very ship that Johnny is destined for. At the ship, the Captain shows them around, then Johnny's father departs and wishes his son well.

Johnny meets the young officers of the ship in the mess and his shown his hammock after the meal. Johnny finds the hammock a challenge, much to the mirth of his new mates, and he winds up sleeping on the floor. While he sleeps, mischief ensues amongst the others and someone steals his clothes. Johnny soon becomes seasick and is convinced by his mates that he should make his will, for surely he is about to die. More jokes a played on the poor fellow before the ship finally makes its way out of the English Channel.

Canto II: Johnny continues to have difficulty in adjusting to shipboard life. He is sent to make a pudding in the kitchen by one of the scoundrels. Someone switches the fresh water with sea water and his mates give him a spanking on the table for making such an awful mess of their dinner.

Finally, the ship docks at Buenos Aires for trade. Johnny thankfully goes ashore for a three hour leave. He wanders throughout the city: on the squalid streets and the finer part of the town. Regretfully, he returns to the ship. On board, the crew has Neptune board the ship. This is a traditional activity that marks the crossing of the Tropic of Cancer. The tradition also involves the shaving of the novice sailors by the surly veterans. Johnny is once again worked over by his ornery mates. During these proceedings, Johnny makes friends with the surgeon's mate. Through this acquaintance, Johnny is invited to dine at the Captain's table. As he gets ready, one of his enemies puts a hot iron to his rear end which causes more mayhem. The culprit is identified and set to the lash. After this, the hazing of Johnny dissipates.

Canto III: An enemy ship is spotted and battle is engaged. During the battle the Lieutenant is struck by a ball and his brains are splattered upon Johnny's face. Johnny himself takes a musket ball in his side, but it is merely a flesh wound. This gets up Johnny's ire and he takes a musket from a dead marine and fires at the French vessel. His shot is true and it collapses the French main mast; this allows the British to board the French vessel with impunity. During the battle Johnny tends a dying French officer, who dies in his arms. The wounded Johnny is then carried to the doctor by a fellow named Shaughnessy and Johnny is safely patched up.

After the battle, the ship returns to port at Plymouth and is met with celebration. While in port, the crew loses its discipline and many of the men drink heavily and act irresponsibly. Johnny goes to a play in town and falls for a damsel named Calliope. It is implied that he has sex with her and it is also clear that she is a prostitute. The next day, he goes on a carriage ride with some of his shipmates and their dates. Calliope has opted out, claiming she has a cold. The carriage crashes into a herd of swine and everyone is muddied. The party dines at a nearby inn and then returns to town, where Johnny finds Calliope in bed with a fellow named Smith. Our hero is determined to have his satisfaction with Smith, but Shaughnessy talks him out of it.

A despondent Johnny then gets drunk with his Irish companion. Their revels get the watchman on the trail and they break into a grocer's shop, where Johnny falls into a vat full of butter. A melee of sorts breaks out and the two sailors are able to slip away in the chaos and get back on board the ship.

Soon after, Johnny is called before the Captain. The Captain gives him a letter from his father requesting that Johnny be sent home for a visit. The Captain is happy to oblige this desire on the part of his acquaintance and Johnny goes home to visit his family. On the coach ride home, Johnny meets a young lady. The young lady is clearly in distress and Johnny offers to see her home to her own family, fearing that prostitution may be her fate otherwise. The good Samaritan safely sees his charge home as the canto ends.

Canto IV: Johnny arrives home much to the delight of his family and the entire community. At home he is introduced to a young lady named Maria and they begin a courtship. Fortunately for Johnny, his leave is extended as the Capricorn is delayed by the need for repairs. Finally, he returns to the ship, first going to London. When he arrives at Portsmouth, where he is to board the ship, the ship isn't there yet, so he has more time to himself. Once the ship arrives, Johnny is promoted to be in charge of the signals. The ship goes to Jamaica. In the Caribbean, the ship is struck by a epidemic of malaria and Johnny is amongst its sufferers. Unfortunately, Captain Dale dies from the disease and the ship is sent to Gibraltar where a new Captain awaits to take command. The new Captain, Captain Teak, is a hard case who sees the men as disposable tools for his oceanic ambitions. The lash is frequently employed. Johnny has a confrontation with the Captain and is flogged repeatedly. Johnny grows despondent as the abuse of Teak continues to mount upon his shoulders. He becomes wholly disillusioned with naval life. But he is partially revenged when the abuses of Teak come to the attention of the authorities, and this wicked Captain is court-martialed. Nevertheless, Johnny's enthusiasm for the Navy is forever lost and he writes home telling his father about these awful abuses. The last passages of the poem are a caustic indictment of the naval disciplinary practices. Johnny ends the tale bitter and despondent.

John Mitford, My Cousin in the Army, or, Johnny Newcome on the Peace Establishment (1822)

Descriptive Essay

The poem consists of ten cantos. It is 315 pages long. It was published anonymously by J. Johnston in 1822. There are 16 illustrations in the volume by Isaac Cruikshank. A brief biography of the artist and the illustrations can be found elsewhere in this project. Unfortunately, the Corvey Microfiche is missing pages 153-160.

The poem is a narrative satire on post-war military life. Even though this is not the same "Johnny Newcome" (Johnny Newcome, or Johnny Newcomer, is a similar designation to our own G.I. Joe) who struggled through his service in the navy in Mitford's earlier poem, the name attests to the apparent popularity of the previous poem. The satire here consists of some pointed attacks at the military-life, particularly those hangers-on who benefit from a post-war environment. It also challenges some of the administrative policies and how these affect the lives of the erstwhile soldiers left with half-pay and little prospects at the end of hostilities. Mitford's insights not only run throughout the narrative, but are also advanced in some informed notes that have a more highly charged edge to them than do the antics in the verse. Mitford's satire is particularly pungent when Johnny is posted to the cavalry. Mitford shows his contempt for the cavalry, which he protrays as consisting of fops and profligates, full of drink and likely to debauch one's daughter. Indeed, his point of view is not unlike that of Jane Austen in Pride and Prejudice and it suggests that the idleness of the military portrayed in Austen's classic had returned once the hostilities ceased. This vision of military life in the wake of the Napoleonic wars could be read as an interesting companion to Joseph Heller's Catch 22 or Richard Hooker's M*A*S*H*, which have an equally good time with the American army in World War II and Korea, respectively.

Not only are the military and the civilian administration made objects of Mitford's satire, but his contemporary poetasters are subject to some derision too. Almost all of the canonical poets are mentioned within the narrative - Scott, Southey, Byron, Shelley, Wordsworth, etc. - though the extent of Mitford's remarks regarding these writers is variable. What this illustrates is that the poem (and the poet) is very much centered in the conversations surrounding contemporary politics and literature.

Mitford is a competent poet, though not masterful. His verse reads well and the narrative is interesting. His intention was clearly not to create art, but rather to tell a good story, and to make incisive comments on the current political situation. He succeeds in doing just that.

Synopsis

Canto I begins with a brief setting of the scene as occurring after Waterloo - "where heroes fell and poets too" - suggesting that the author is keenly aware of the economic depression (especially for the soldiers coming home) that affects Britain after the war. Indeed, this is the main thrust of the poem which concerns itself with Johnny Newcome's attempts to stay in the army at full pay and to avoid the economic disaster befalling many of his comrades who are sent home on half-pay. Mitford emphasizes that his hero is meant to be a common soldier - or, as the case is, a common officer - not a world-historical figure like Wellington. Thus, he names his hero Johnny Newcome, the Romantic era equivalent of G.I. Joe.

Continuing to set up the scene, we learn that Johnny was praised for his heroics at Waterloo, though he didn't quite make it to the battle. While others are sent home, Johnny remains in service at Paris and enjoys what the city has to offer to an occupying army. The poet relates his background: he was raised by a doting aunt, he attends Cambridge where he writes light verse and dreams the days away as the battles in Europe rage. He receives a commission while in college during the peace, but is called to service when Napoleon makes his final march to Waterloo. Bewildered by the likelihood of actually having to engage in combat, Johnny reluctantly crosses the channel, but, fortunately, arrives after the battle and in time to serve in the occupation.

Johnny's narrative begins as he parades on the boulevard while on guard duty. As he makes his rounds, he steps into a café. Johnny is pleased with the news that his battalion will remain in Paris as others are sent home. He imagines the possibility of future promotion and is clearly enjoying the soldierly life. While in his reverie, his valet, Snub, brings him a letter which immediately throws Johnny into despair. His hoped for promotion has come through, but he has been transferred to the second battalion, which is to return to Britain on half-pay.

A distraught Johnny winds his way down the boulevard. In front of General Culverin's residence, a woman tries to force her way in to speak with the General. As she screams and kicks at the sentry, Johnny steps in and restrains her. She tries to win Johnny over to her cause by relating her tale. Her name is Cellarina Tool and she is the General's mistress who he coaxed away from a lowly sergeant while campaigning in Portugal. She has followed him to France because she is pregnant and wishes to demand support. Johnny is unsympathetic and Mrs. Tool proceeds to give him a thrashing, then runs into the General's quarters. While these happenings occur, Culverin watches from behind the curtains of his rooms.

An abashed Johnny returns to his own rooms and contemplates his swirling prospects. His comrades soon barge into the room and break his reverie. As they console him on his half-pay conundrum, they also mock. Finally they depart and Johnny goes to sleep as the Canto ends.

Canto II opens with Johnny going on a dream journey involving a fairy spirit that shows him a palace of delight. The lovely spirit soon changes into Mrs. Tool and Johnny topples over in his chair and awakes. Snub then enters with another letter. The letter is from General Culverin who wishes to see the young officer. Johnny proceeds to the General's quarters and is given audience. We are then filled in on Culverin's character which begins with an aside on the failures of Wellington and party politics in general. Culverin is a womanizer of grand proportions, having heroically engaged in sexual trysts around the world; he's particularly fond of affairs with married women. He has called Johnny because he wants details about his confrontation with Mrs. Tool. He then enlists Johnny to hush up the Mrs. Tool affair by either buying her off or taking her away. In exchange, Johnny will remain in the first battalion and keep his full pay status. The canto ends as Johnny finds the residence of Mrs. Tool and enters to negotiate.

Canto III begins with Culverin awaiting Johnny's return. At dinner with a host of other officers, Johnny assures Culverin that his mission was successful. After the meal, they retreat to Culverin's private rooms where Johnny unfolds his adventure. Mrs. Tool has demanded that Culverin fix his name upon the child. Outraged by this, Culverin insists that Johnny either catch her with another man or seduce her himself to negate the scandal: "all, all is thine / But - do not let this brat be mine." Johnny agrees to this mission and they drink together while Culverin relates his sexploits. As they get deeper into their cups, a woman arrives with her young "daughter" whom Culverin proceeds to seduce. Unexpectedly, Culverin's wife arrives from England and Culverin has the ladies and Johnny hide in a closet. Despite Culverin's attempts to get his wife out of the room so the others can escape, his wife decides to order supper and proceeds to talk and talk while Culverin begins to doze. Johnny, crushed beneath the weight of the two women in the bottom of the closet, endures these circumstances stoically. But once Culverin has fallen into a deep, snoring sleep, his wife locks the door and opens the closet. Seeing the others stacked upon one another, she (and they) scream, and Lady Culverin faints dead away. This gives Johnny and the ladies an opportunity to make their escape out into the cold rain which has begun to fall. After seeing the ladies home, Johnny makes his way to the "Le Palais Royale" for some fun of his own. There he encounters Snub who watches his master squander all of his money on drink and at the gaming tables.

Canto IV sees Johnny sleeping off his night of debauchery. His mates come in and boisterously awaken him. Later that evening Johnny goes to see Mrs. Tool and finalizes the deal with her. He then goes to report to Lord Culverin that the deal has been struck. The General is quite pleased with this news and by the fact that his wife has returned to London. He invites Johnny to attend the Peace Establishment dinner which is being held that evening. Everyone at the party gets boisterously drunk as the evening progresses. Culverin slips away and Johnny follows to attend upon him. Culverin wants to visit a fair maid whom he has had his eye on. The two drunken soldiers knock on what Culverin thinks is the young lady's door but instead it is the home of a matron, who dumps a chamber pot upon their heads. In confusion at this incident, Johnny pulls out his sword and cuts down the street lamp which drops with a crash. He is arrested by a patrol as the General slips away, leaving Johnny to his fate. Johnny is let off the hook and on the next day he goes again to report to Culverin. Now that the affair with Mrs. Tool has been resolved, Culverin no longer acquires his services, neither does he want him around, so he sends him to the Horse Guards to be rid of him, with the promise that it might lead to a cavalry appointment.

In Canto V, Johnny and Snub leave Paris and cross the channel to England. Johnny is given a hero's welcome and brags about his exploits during Waterloo, displaying the spoils of combat he has procured. But he is caught in his lie when the helmet he claims he had taken from a dead French officer on the field of battle is revealed to be an English helmet manufactured by the very person who accuses him of the falsehood. Johnny, ever the respectable gentleman, blames the mistake on poor Snub.

They proceed to London where Johnny goes out on the town, visiting the prostitutes at the "woman mart." Here he encounters Bob Blaze, a friend from Waterloo. Blaze takes Johnny to the Cider Cellar in Covent Garden where they, with other veterans, sing Moore's songs, drink, and otherwise have a grand ole time.

A few days later, Johnny reports to the Horse Guards and is invited to join the cavalry. He must get equipped and goes to the outfitter [unfortunately, several pages are missing at this point, but the narrative suggests that these missing pages deal with this matter of equipage.]

Canto VI finds Johnny reporting in York to fulfill his duties as a cavalry officer. At dinner with his new unit, the officers try to curry his favor due to his relationship with Culverin. Shortly thereafter, Johnny rides the Colonel's horse during parade and is shown to be an inept horseman. His failings cause a great deal of slapstick "horseplay" which reveals Johnny to be naïve in the eyes of this unit. Indeed, Johnny is warned by an amiable sergeant to beware, for the regiment is filled with playboys and philanderers who are out to make their fortune and advancement at all cost. At the end of the canto, the regiment receives orders to march to Dumfries to quell Scots grumblings. As they reach the ford, Johnny is dunked in the river by his feisty steed, which in turn leads to the dunking of Major Swallow. Johnny and Swallow ride ahead to an inn for dry clothes where they proceed to feast on a large breakfast which makes Johnny ill, compelling him to call for a doctor.

In Canto VII the doctor arrives and instead of attending upon Johnny, he examines the sleeping Swallow, whom he proceeds to bleed. Awakened by this intrusion upon his person, Swallow thinks he is being robbed and upon his screaming "murder!," the rest of the regimental officers arrive at the inn and save him. The regiment stays at the inn waiting for further orders while Johnny is sent back to London to train with a reputed riding master, whose methods are rather unorthodox.

Canto VIII: In London, Johnny starts his acquaintance with the riding master by immediately offending the man. In revenge, the insulted Colonel makes the lessons particularly rigorous. At the end of the day, Johnny espies a beautiful woman parading along the walkway and they make a date. This encounter inspires Johnny to try his hand at love poetry in the manner of Lord Byron to win the lady's heart. Johnny meets her at four in the afternoon and they walk together and discuss the leading poets of the day - Scott, Campbell, Shelley, Byron, Moore, Southey, Coleridge, Wordsworth, and others.

Canto IX: Johnny continues his courtship of Seraphal and meets her mother. His lady love soon goes through all of his money and he borrows to fulfill her wants. He then goes to the gambling tables with the hopes of increasing his purse. Inevitably, he loses all of this property. Culverin has returned to London, so Johnny seeks him out, assuming that the General owes him something for the assistance he provided in Paris. Culverin plays as if he doesn't know Johnny and has him thrown out. Johnny goes to a bank for a loan and is turned down. But shortly thereafter a stranger comes to his door with a draft for fifty pounds from Johnny's aunt. The devoted Snub had written his aunt and told her of her nephew's financial straits. With his prospects restored Johnny sets out to see Seraphal so that he can propose to her. As they sit upon the couch and profess love to one another, Johnny hears a snort from under the couch and discovers that troublesome libertine, General Culverin, hiding under it. Upon being found out, Seraphal goes into hysterics and Bob Blaze mysteriously bursts into the room, having been in the hallway.

Canto X: Johnny's engagement to Seraphal has been broken off. Indeed, her true character - she is a prostitute - is revealed to Johnny by his friend Bob Blaze. The lovesick Johnny didn't even notice that her rooms were in a whorehouse. Johnny finally sees the light and is determined to have his satisfaction with Culverin. The General appeases the angered soldier by promising a Captaincy in the infantry at full-pay. Johnny accepts this promotion and heads to Bath to take up his new duties. His aunt lives but ten miles away so he decides to drop in for a visit. At a nearby inn he is accosted by the innkeeper who claims Johnny owes him money. The Colonel of his new regiment arrives and plans to pay the debt, but it is determined that it is a false accusation. Johnny goes to his aunt's encouraged by the fact that his new post and commander seems to be a more honest and honorable military undertaking.